Sigh.

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We got some planting done this past weekend and I started digging the grass out from around my raised beds to add the mulch.  I am glad for the project and the long term benefit of not having to weed-eat in between the beds, but boy....my back is killing me!

I suppose I'm in a bit of a rut tonight and feeling like this single mama stuff is for the birds.  I try hard to not complain because it never really makes me feel better, but the fact of the matter is going at this alone is plain exhausting!  To clarify, I am the full custodial parent and do everything.  Everything.  Now, I have some amazing parents who live about 10 minutes away and who are a tremendous help.  (I really could not do it without them.)

The day in and day out of living and breathing work, kids, school, sports, lessons, meals, bedtimes, bills, housekeeping and taxiing all by myself is...well, sometimes it can be a real drag.  Physical tiredness is one thing, but perhaps the thing that is most daunting is mental and emotional challenges of trying to meet the needs of four unique people and all at the same time.  All while staying positive and not grumpy.  (At which I fall miserably short!)

I now see why elderly ladies who live alone can worry themselves into a tizzy. With no one to bounce off one's thoughts and sort through one's day, it is easy for one's mind to run away from them, taking with it the ability to reason and keep a clear, level-headed perspective.

When my own lonely mind races, I mostly pray and practically beg God for wisdom and clarity on what to do next.  The truth is, sometimes I feel like God is my best friend (because He's always there) and my worst enemy (for letting this happen to our family) all at the same time.  

But really, I know in my heart He is so much bigger than all of this and He has it all under control even if it pisses me off.  I suppose He knew I would have this reaction and ultimately allowed this challenge full well knowing it will give me a greater strength and knowledge of who He is.  If there is one thing I know, He is real and present even when I don't want much to do with Him.  And He loves me anyway.   He's given me and my children our very breath and I am so very fickle.

You know what?  The other thing I really miss is riding in the passenger seat of the car.  What I wouldn't do to let someone drive me around for an hour or so while the sun hits my face. With the radio humming in the background, I would fall fast asleep.  For that short time all would be right with the world, I am sure of it.

Ah well.  I sat down to this space tonight planning to write more about my garden beds and this is what you get.  I will be ready for another day tomorrow.  I will remember as soon as I turn out the lights that His mercies are new each morning.

 

 


Lovely Day

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Saturday was rainy and cold and I loved every minute of it!  You see, on cold and rainy days I feel no "pressure" to be outside and on this particular day we got some much needed cleaning and organizing done indoors.  It feels much fresher in here now and I love it.

I am developing a new chore and allowance system for the kiddos, and I am excited to share more about that soon once I get the details worked out.  

Sunday is supposed to be sunny and perfect.  After a day indoors, I am ready for it.  We are preparing for our garden and hope to at least get the pumpkin seeds in so they are ready in time for the fall harvest.

I took this picture on my phone the other day when we were in a big hurry to leave and I couldn't find Hans. I wasn't worried...yet, but just really grumpy that he was making us later than we already were! When I rounded the corner into the backyard I couldn't help but slow down for this shot. My favorite boy in my favorite tree!  And do you know what?  I'm so glad that I have this picture, but I can't even remember now what we were late to.  Sometimes it takes a boy in a tree to help me remember what's really important.

Happy Sunday to you!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

 


Empty Vessels

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I took some time off of work over my kid's Spring Break from school.  It was much needed downtime for us all.  (Have I mentioned that my oldest catches the bus at 6:45 A.M???)

My boy recently became interested in a toy pottery wheel that we've had for years.  And because there is very little time in our normal routine for extended crafting, I figured I would order some fresh clay so we could have it available for one of our days off.

There is something about wet, warm clay sliding through fingers that calms one's spirit and centers one's mind.  I could see it in my children and feel the general peace and calm in our home as they pounded, shaped, sculpted and smoothed.  I thought about the Native American mamas before us and wondered if they felt the same sort of quiet satisfaction as they created their masterpiece pots and if their children loved to feel the squishy, soft mud between their fingers just like mine did.  Such beautiful pieces they made.

We people are very much like clay pots.  We were all created uniquely and deliberately. We come in many shapes and sizes.  Some of us are elaborate and fancy while others are plain and sturdy.  Some are big and colorful and others are small and don't stand out much.  

The one thing we ALL have in common is that we will all be FILLED with something.  We make choices each and every day about what things we are putting in!

We can fill our pot with junk and trash and set it high on a shelf to collect dust and not be given a second thought.

Or we can fill it with something beautiful and light and lovely, and give it a place of prominence and honor.  We can make it a creation worthy of its calling and strive to make it the very best it can be.

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In a world that can be so dark at every turn, I try hard to keep filling our "pots" with positive and useful and spiritual things about the One who created best.  How are you filling your pot these days?